Eat the Schoolgirl: Osaka Telephone Club (1997)? With a title like that, say no more!

If only Japan was still making classics like this! How I wish. Here is another film I shouldn't like as much as I do but it's my kind of crazy. It's very much what I was hoping for from the first Siren 妖女伝説 セイレーン although that one failed to deliver but Eat the Schoolgirl is brilliant! Sure it's gory and sleazy but it's also artistic. Is she an angel? Or is the main character just really that nuts? This needs a Blu-ray with a 10-hour making of so we can ponder all these sordid details with the creators. I am very curious what inspired this and what the influences were. There is a 45 min interview with the director on the Japanese Blu-ray. Some boutique company needs to pick this one up. Such important cinema has to be preserved. I've actually seen quite a few of the director's other films as well like Erotibot, Stacy: Attack of the Schoolgirl Zombies, Maid-Droid, etc. but this is my favorite so far. We need a box set.

Love Will Tear Us Apart (2023) and Visitors (2023) are both great new Japanese horror films.

Kenichi Ugana is definitely one to watch. I really loved his new film Love Will Tear Us Apart that is screening at Another Hole in the Head Film Festival. The story is really engaging, and it has some very beautiful cinematography like that last shot. I love the twists and reveals in it too. I think you can truly feel for the main character. Sayu Kubota gives such a fantastic performance as Wakaba. The part where she meets someone new in Tokyo and falls in love is incredible especially what happens from there. The meaning behind it reminds me of my first feature although I think his film is better. Between this and the complete version of Visitors I saw on Screambox, I really can't wait to see what this director does next. The two films are quite different but both are amazing. Visitors reminded me of Evil Dead 2 in the best ways. Funny, gory, and a blast to watch while Love Will Tear Us Apart surprised me on its phenomenal somber tone and emotional depth.

Door (1988) is an excellent slice of '80s Japanese cinema.

I'm so glad Third Window Films is finding and restoring fantastic Japanese films like this. The interview with the director is very insightful and interesting too. If you're at all into Japanese cinema, I highly recommend you check out their releases (and get a cheap region-free Blu-ray player off eBay... it's definitely worth it or you'll miss out on so many phenomenal titles and extras). You also get Door 2 as a bonus film with this Blu-ray (it was previously only available on Japanese VHS, having never even gotten a DVD release in Japan before so I'm extremely glad it's included as well). This film does a great job setting up our main character's life and building suspense. They really show a lot of Japanese culture and daily life too with the picky trash rules, nosey neighbors returning trash, talk of the ID number system coming soon, overwork with her husband, their home routine, etc. I especially like how neither character is just good or bad so it's not black and white. It's easy to feel sympathy for the housewife since she is obviously barraged by annoying salesmen plus quite vulnerable when she is home alone (even her husband startles her when coming back) and yet the antagonist tries to be reasonable, at least at first. He stops his sales pitch and just attempts to give her a pamphlet. Then even after she crushes his hand in the door (a bit much on her part but she does feel threatened), he apologizes for losing his temper. Clearly he goes off the deep end after that but seeing how badly hurt his hand is and understanding how that could easily affect his job when he has a quota to fill, you can get a sense of where he's coming from. Maybe he takes it too far too fast but that is more engaging for the viewer and people sometimes snap like that in real life. The psychological games and how crazy it ends up really make this a fun watch along with a clever little twist but I love the way it escalates particularly one chilling moment where the door handle silently starts turning as someone watches (I don't want to spoil it but it's so well done). It's interesting too the director reveals the original script didn't become so violent and this was the first use of Steadicam in Japan. Home invasion Japanese style. Definitely check it out.

Battle Heater (1989) is absolutely amazing.

If you haven't seen Cyclops (1987), stop what you're doing and watch it. Especially for practical FX fans, it's jaw-dropping. Just get to the finale and you'll see what I mean... it all builds to that and boy does it pay off. Battle Heater is by the same director so you know you're in for something great. This time around it's a crazy comedy with a kotatsu (table with a blanket on top and a heater underneath) that starts eating people. It's brilliant and I can't believe it took me this long to see it. I think somebody actually gave the director a budget for this and that person deserves all the accolades in the world for such a great decision. Good call, sir. Good call. Sadly, many Japanese films are made very cheaply especially these days but you can tell Battle Heater had some money and damn did they put it to good use. This film is exhilarating and so much fun to behold. If you like Japanese cinema at all, you should give it a chance. I'm not really into comedies but I loved this and it's far more than just a comedy anyway.

Carved: The Slit-Mouthed Woman (2007) is quite good.

This Japanese urban legend is very interesting especially since there isn't one standard explanation for why the Slit-Mouthed Woman's face is messed up so every movie can have its own interpretation. I just wish the other Japanese films could get released in the West with English subtitles. I've found a couple others that did get put out on US DVDs but there are so many more that were made in Japan. Carved is probably the best though by the same director as Grotesque, Noroi, Sadako vs. Kayako, and many other films. This movie manages to be a bit creepy at times and the idea of an unstable woman kidnapping children is pretty disturbing. This legend obviously has a lot of potential even if the films tend to struggle with it like I'm not sure what to make of the body-hopping. That is different but it's maybe too much. It is fascinating though the way the legend can be traced back to the Edo period and a samurai supposedly mutilating his unfaithful partner.

Down to Hell (1997) can't measure up to Versus (2000).

But that isn't surprising considering the difference in budget and crew. It's hard to believe Versus (2000) was originally going to be Down to Hell 2 since this early effort pales in comparison but it's still cool to see. Everybody has to start somewhere. Even if you watch the first films of Hitchcock, Kubrick, or Villeneuve, it's tough to see the legends they'd become. Unless you have millions to hire professional artists to lift you up, your first film is likely to embarrass you later. That is only natural though. It means you've learned and made progress. You just have to keep working at it and try to always improve, which also means recognizing where you came up short. It's easier said than done. Down to Hell lacks cool FX or kills. Almost no gore, action, or suspense. It's pretty dull but hey, try to make a movie for no money. It's insanely difficult especially when you first start. Sure everybody says they could do better but that's just talk. Put your money where your mouth is then you'll understand.

XX: Beautiful Weapon (1993) won me over big time.

Having watched Guzoo (and obsessed over it... I love practical FX monsters what can I say), I was curious to see the director's Beautiful Weapon film. It didn't disappoint at all. I quite like this pinky violence series especially Beautiful Beast but this one might just be better. The way the story unfolds is pretty clever and I like the lead guy who realizes the trap of our beautiful assassin. It feels very much like she is a spider luring in her victims with sex, and they always think they have the advantage. It's definitely smarter than it needed to be. Yes, I know the US DVD cover is shit but the film is good. Alright, it's good if you like these types of films. Some people don't? Sorry I'm not normal. Who is normal? Probably not the guy talking to himself on a blog. Yeah, that's a good point. Well, giant atomic turtles aren't normal either but they're good at flying. What were we talking about? Cars. The Pixar movie? Geez, what's wrong with you? Quiet mom I'm writing my novel. Nobody reads blogs anymore? Can I ticktock this?

Ley Lines (1999) shows Miike's versatility even more.

The more movies you watch by Takashi Miike, the more you realize he has done just about everything in every genre. The man can literally do anything. He has already done so freakin much that it's absolutely mind-blowing. Comedy, horror, action, crime, drama, sci-fi, fantasy, hell he can do all of them in one film. Just consider this: Stanley Kubrick directed 13 features. Hitchcock directed about 55. Spielberg 37, Kurosawa 32, Ozu 48, Tarantino 9, Guillermo del Toro 11, Jim Jarmusch 15, etc. Well, Miike has directed about 107. That is unbelievable. It's all the more astounding when you discover that Miike was given a chance to direct by a total outsider to the film industry, and yet Miike is like an entire industry all by himself now with the sheer number of films he directed. He wanted to make films that hadn't been done before. Films that the Japanese film industry wasn't making, and Ley Lines is a good example since it's about a trio of young Japanese of Chinese descent struggling to survive in Tokyo. They make friends with a distraught Shanghai hooker and piss off the local crime lord as their situation gets progressively worse. As much as I liked Rainy Dog, I prefer this film although I'm hard pressed to identify why since both really engaged me. I was less enthused by Shinjuku Triad Society although I was still happy to watch it but with Miike, you really never know what you're going to get if it's a superhero comedy like Zebraman or a bizarre surreal acid trip like Gozu or just a badass old-school samurai tale like 13 Assassins. Maybe you'll end up with giant sci-fi roaches in his anime adaptation Terra Formars or get disturbed by his groundbreaking horror Audition or witness his brilliant family fantasy musical The Happiness of the Katakuris. I just think in the end you can't go wrong with Miike. Even lesser Miike is still extremely entertaining and original.

How did I never see Guzoo: The Thing Forsaken By God - Part 1 (1986)?

I'm just shocked I never heard of this before. True, it's only 40 min long but damn it's pretty cool. I love practical FX tentacle monsters, and this certainly delivers as it attacks a bunch of cute Japanese girls. Apparently, there is no part 2, which is a bummer. This should have been a series with like 40 movies haha. Alright maybe I'm overselling it a bit but it seems so amazing when you discover something like this and I found a bunch of other short FX Japanese horror films too such as Conton (1987), Cyclops/The Unborn (1987), Gakidama: The Demon Within (1988), etc. These are the kind of cool practical FX movies I want to make. Ok maybe more like John Carpenter's The Thing but who am I kidding I'm never going to have his budget, which is why I'm impressed by what these guys did because it was probably done for pennies. Sure, it has flaws and you can see their limitations but still I think it's fantastic what they pulled off with so little. That's the magic of indie filmmaking. And look at that VHS box. That's awesome. As soon as I saw that, I knew I had to see this.

I did some digging and the internet informed me V Zone Video was behind this production. Part 2 was canceled since they went out of business. V Zone was a popular Japanese horror magazine in the 80s but its final issue was in 1987. Such a shame.

So glad to finally see Evil Dead Trap (1988).

I really love Japanese horror films but sadly I didn't see this one until recently because I foolishly thought it was just a ripoff of Evil Dead, which to be fair, I would still be happy to watch. Of course, I was completely wrong. Despite the title, it's a very unique original movie that really has nothing to do with Sam Raimi's films except they're both gory horror. There are some insanely-inventive kills in this that I never saw before, and I very much dug the atmosphere. I immediately had to check out both sequels, which unfortunately were rather disappointing but I'm still glad I saw them all. There is something special and different about this first one. As people much smarter than me have pointed out, this film feels very much influenced by Italian horror like Argento and Fulci. I love their output too so such a mix sounds like heaven to me, and I think this film certainly delivers. The ending really gets nuts but that is part of the charm. I love films that dare to do something different.

Tomie: Unlimited (2011) is an improvement.

I liked this better than the first film in the series but the digital cinematography is a little underwhelming. I really like how they tried to do more of the Cronenbergesque body horror from the manga but the FX aren't quite there. They're close but I really wish Noboru Iguchi could have gotten a bigger budget, a better camera, etc. I'm still not sure about the actress they chose for Tomie. I know that must be the most difficult role to cast though (even Junji Ito himself picking the actress for the first Tomie movie had a questionable result). But sometimes you see a girl in Tokyo that is simply breathtaking. If only they could cast someone like that but maybe those girls can't act or don't want to act. But I hope they keep trying. Tomie really deserves an awesome big budget film. It just needs someone that truly gets the material and can pull it off then they need the necessary budget to achieve that. Easier said than done and I worry the financers have lost faith.

Update: having now watched many more Tomie movies, I realize the error of my ways. Most of the films are pretty boring sadly but Iguchi's adaptation is probably the best. If only they would've given him more time and money but still it's amazing for the few resources he had. I think a major problem for these films is if you've read the manga, you know where the story is going so it's hard for the filmmakers to surprise the fans and keep it entertaining. You really never want the audience to be ahead of your film but staying unpredictable while still following the source material is very difficult and casting Tomie is so tough.

Tomie (1998) sadly disappoints.

I'm very much late to the game on this, having just recently stumbled on the freakin 9 Tomie movies that exist. Why I didn't know sooner is beyond me. I'm slow... what can I say but I was extremely excited to check these out. I'm a big fan of Junji Ito's art even though I'm no expert by any means. I really don't know much except his stuff is genius, and if you read about the Tomie manga or pick it up yourself, you can see all the potential it has. Unfortunately, it seems none of the films have really capitalized on this. The first attempt in 1998 has a lot going for it or at least it should since it was made right around the time of the first Ring and it was shot on film with a good aesthetic that reminds me of Hideo Nakata's classic but Tomie ends up being rather prodding with not much to grab the viewer. It's a shame. Another issue that seems to plague all these movies is the actress they pick for Tomie never seems so irresistibly beautiful to make all the men go crazy over her, which hurts the film.

The Blood of Wolves (2018) makes for an excellent crime film with a fantastic lead.

I love Japanese cinema especially crime movies like this. Kôji Yakusho steals the show as usual. You'll recognize him from Cure, 13 Assassins, The World of Kanako, Tokyo Sonata, etc. The characters he plays are fascinating especially the way he brings them to life with such powerful performances. I couldn't look away (except that first shot and what a first shot it is). The whole film is awesome and easy to get pulled into. It's very much about a world that is gray, not black and white where things are not what they seem. You get a lot of mysteries and questions but the high stakes keep you firmly rooted in what's happening. Even the side characters are wonderful like the girl Hioka Shuichi falls for. I wish she was in the film more. The developing relationship between the two main cops is the primary focus, and it's extremely compelling. I'm excited a sequel is on the way, and I wish I could see the director's first film Lost Paradise in Tokyo.

I still really enjoyed Tetsuo: The Bullet Man (2009).

Sure, I prefer 16mm or 35mm over the early digital look but I still liked this film a lot. I really wish great Japanese genre directors like Tsukamoto could get crazy 50-150 million dollar budgets for their work. It seems rare for the budgets to increase for sequels in Japan unfortunately. At least, the director Yoshihiro Nishimura appeared to have gotten more money with the sequel to the 2005 film Meatball Machine since the cinematography was much improved on Meatball Machine Kodoku but digital also came a long way in the 12 years between those films. Back to Tsukamoto's work though, Body Hammer also looked to have a much larger budget than the first film so I'm sad that doesn't seem to be the case with number three. I always wish we could get more behind the scenes details on these Japanese films. Joe Bob Briggs was saying that Tarantino tried to help Shinya Tsukamoto get this third film off the ground but it never materialized. After reading interviews with Tsukamoto, it's easy to see why that didn't pan out since American producers wanted Tetsuo to be more understandable to US audiences, they insisted on a famous lead actor, etc. I think it's good his vision wasn't compromised by doing his third Tetsuo in Hollywood. Regardless, the ingenuity, insane passion, and creativity will forever impress me on this belated third entry. He still managed to do a ton of FX and action with some very cool sequences. Of course, I would've preferred grungy 16mm or 35mm but regardless, I very much enjoyed it. Tetsuo is such a unique interesting trilogy. I hope one day we can get a fourth film with more money behind it but only if Tsukamoto can do it his way.

Space Amoeba (1970) is charming.

I love seeing these old Toho kaiju movies. Even the lesser ones. I read reviews where a lot of people gave this film grief over how the giant squid Gezora walks on its tentacles as if the FX looked really bad. For 1970, in Japan, I think it's fine. They hid the performer's legs pretty well, and it's a unique way of doing it. I love these men-in-suits giant monster movies. There is a charm CGI can never match. Sure, some FX shots aren't the greatest but I still respect it. Not every kaiju film can be Godzilla (1954). I watched the Japanese giant Frankenstein flicks as well. I really enjoy these older films. It's funny how different some of the titles are in Japanese. Space Amoeba is actually Gezora, Ganimes, and Kamoebas: Decisive Battle! Giant Monsters of the South Seas in Japanese. I guess they thought that was too long or confusing for American audiences. That is a pretty damn long title but I like how they emphasized the three monsters and even try to hype you up.

Bio Hunter (1995) serves up a fun gory anime.

I'm a bit obsessed with monsters. I just think they're fuckin awesome... Frankenstein, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Wolfman, Nosferatu, the Mummy, Dracula, Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky, Michael Meyers, the Thing, the Blob, Alien, Predator. The list goes on and on. Since I'm in Tokyo now making a monster movie, naturally I have to dig into whatever monster anime I can find, and thankfully I have a great Japanese friend to give me recommendations (thank you Sho!). So much of horror anime deals with transforming. I love that. They took the Wolfman myth and shoved crack in his veins. Forget a wolf. These fuckers can turn into anything. The best thing about anime is they can do whatever the hell they want especially looking at these gory creative 80s/early 90s titles. They are exquisite (I'm sure no one ever used that word before to describe Bio Hunter) but seriously, this stuff is awesome. Devilman, Wicked City, Geno Cyber, etc. It's all gold. Ok, you have to be a little crazy like me. Alright, more than a little but I think anyone can appreciate their imagination and unbridled creativity. No? Ok, well, I tried. I'm nuts, but like Michael Keaton said in Batman, let's get nuts. Nobody reads this, do they?

Tokyo Species (2012) is a tad underwhelming.

Love the poster but the film feels very cheap, which I'm sure it was. The CGI especially is not good and the lead actress (AV star Maria Ozawa) gets almost no dialogue so you can't connect with her character much. Cronenberg was very smart with his writing on The Fly remake to be certain Seth Brundle didn't lose his speech until the very last transformation. Clearly, as you can gleam from the title of this Japanese movie, it's an obvious ripoff, erm I mean "clone," of the 1995 sci-fi flick Species. Regardless, I still kinda like it but it's a shame they didn't have more money and give Maria Ozawa more of a chance to actually act. I wish filmmakers would stop using bad CGI. It's a lot easier to forgive bad practical but bad CGI looks so lousy you are instantly thrown out of the movie. I always wonder about films like this. Were they trying to make something great or just something cheap to cash in? But I guess it could depend on who you ask: the producer or the director.

Tokyo Gore Police (2008) reminds me of RoboCop.

I love the satire and black comedy. Plus, fountains of blood win me over every time. Eihi Shiina, the lead actress from Audition, is outstanding of course. If only the film had a higher production quality. It looks way too cheap camera wise but you get loads of cool outrageous FX. Mostly practical. Some more convincing than others. There is some weak CG at times. The story reminds me a bit of eXistenZ and Cronenberg too with its engineer flesh keys. The PSAs about cutting yourself and harakiri are hilarious. It does cross the line of bad taste a few times for me but clearly that was the goal and I admire that it holds nothing back like it was born straight from the mind of a madman. The inventive FX and concept that allows for half-monster half-human hybrids is brilliant. I would definitely watch the promised sequel if it ever happens. It's an excellent concept with all kinds of potential.

You should see Densha Otoko aka Train Man (2005).

I probably wouldn't have heard of this film if I wasn't living in Tokyo now, which is such a shame. I love Japanese movies but even then so many can slip under your radar. Based on a true story, just the opening scene felt very authentic even having only been here a short time. Drunk salarymen are a common sight especially on the late trains, and sometimes, they get very unruly. It's extremely unfortunate. This is the story of a very shy nerd who decides to stand up for a girl when she is harassed by such a salaryman and then his ensuing attempts to court said girl who is clearly smitten with him after his heroic actions. What can I say? It's very charming and heart-warming, but you can also see how difficult it is for someone to come out of their shell particularly these days in the age of the internet. Changing yourself isn't easy. I know how that poster looks (and that was the best I could find) but this is truly a good movie with a very important message.

One Cut of the Dead (2017) deserves the acclaim.

Some possible spoilers so watch it first before reading and try to watch it without knowing anything about it. It's easy to see why this film got so much attention. The passion and love for movies is evident in every frame. Plus, it doesn't take itself too seriously, but they literally show you how difficult it is to make what you take for granted at the beginning. You can see all their trials and tribulations, trying to create that one long take. Usually, you watch an indie and you have no clue how tough it was to get that footage onscreen. It's clever too the way it switches format (even genre) and still works. In fact, it works even better, adding another layer to what you already saw. It's really genius when it comes down to it. They thought this through big time and did their homework. This film has blown up as much as The Blair Witch Project, and I think it clearly earns that status so hats off to these guys. Definitely seek it out if you haven't yet. You won't regret it.