Ghoulies II (1987) is much better than the first.

I love the practical FX in this, and they even redo the toilet scene that was really just a brief shot in the first one (I read they actually added it after the fact once they came up with that great poster). I had never seen these films until recently but of course, the VHS cover was always in my head. The original film has some nice moments but I really enjoyed the sequel a ton more. You get quite a few more monsters, the FX are better, the ending is cool and unexpected, etc. Seems a shame the sequels after this went downhill. Empire Pictures put out so many awesome movies like Re-Animator, Robot Jox, From Beyond, TerrorVision, Troll, Trancers, etc. I really want to see the documentary Celluloid Wizards in the Video Wasteland when it's finally released (I hate that I missed out on that Kickstarter). Indie film companies really should be celebrated because they are few and far between especially the ones that actually stick around a while (and the ones that make monster movies!).

Space Amoeba (1970) is charming.

I love seeing these old Toho kaiju movies. Even the lesser ones. I read reviews where a lot of people gave this film grief over how the giant squid Gezora walks on its tentacles as if the FX looked really bad. For 1970, in Japan, I think it's fine. They hid the performer's legs pretty well, and it's a unique way of doing it. I love these men-in-suits giant monster movies. There is a charm CGI can never match. Sure, some FX shots aren't the greatest but I still respect it. Not every kaiju film can be Godzilla (1954). I watched the Japanese giant Frankenstein flicks as well. I really enjoy these older films. It's funny how different some of the titles are in Japanese. Space Amoeba is actually Gezora, Ganimes, and Kamoebas: Decisive Battle! Giant Monsters of the South Seas in Japanese. I guess they thought that was too long or confusing for American audiences. That is a pretty damn long title but I like how they emphasized the three monsters and even try to hype you up.

Gargoyles (1972) is a bit lacking.

But it's a TV movie. From the '70s. And now I'm reminded of Duel, which was fuckin awesome. Well... uhm... yeah, this film pales in comparison as do most. I wanted to see Gargoyles because Stan Winston did the FX. Unfortunately, the flick is rather dull and the titular creatures don't really hold up. Maybe if they were in the shadows more. You do get to see them a lot (too much I think) and there are several varieties. But it won an Emmy for Outstanding Achievement in Makeup so what the fuck do I know. The original Frankenstein has much better makeup although that wasn't a full body suit but it was way back in 1931. Jack Pierce deserves a lot more praise. Gargoyles definitely isn't a horror classic, just a so so monster movie. The best gargoyle on the silver screen goes to Tales from the Darkside. I doubt anything will beat that although I'd love to see some more modern gargoyle films with practical FX. As it stands, I can't really recommend Gargoyles (1972).

Mon Mon Mon Monsters (2017) is a wicked great movie.

The bullying is hard for me to get through but the payoff is awesome. That last scene... wow, and the scene before that, wow. I'm trying to avoid spoilers so just watch it. I love it when a film makes you care for the monsters. This does that in spades (what a weird expression). And I don't think I ever saw a Taiwanese horror movie before. Way to go guys. You knocked it out of the park (trying to hit my idiom quota for the day... let's put some more cliches in here). We've seen stories like this before but not exactly. The execution is what makes all the difference. The tiny details and the big swings at the end. It's really amazing, and I still feel bad for what happened in this film. That's a great movie. Now they really need a better poster for this thing. Seriously. I saw a badass Blu-ray cover though. A monster and bubble gum. Such a brilliant scene. This film better get some more love or I'm gonna cry. Thank you, Shudder.

All hail the return of Richard Stanley!

Color Out of Space (2019) is pure Lovecraft bliss. Not only do you get great creepy moments where you can't quite see what's lurking in front of our eyes, you're also treated to full-on The Thing monsters and Cronenberg body horror. It's truly a beautiful sight to behold. No complaints from me. I hope Stanley gets to do more adaptations and soon. This is definitely a film I can rewatch and I can't wait to check out the special features. Can't believe Hardware and Dust Devil were so long ago. Really a shame what happened with The Island of Dr. Moreau. If there's any justice in the universe, he'll get to finally make his version of that someday. I'm just so glad I finally got to see this movie. It was everything I hoped for and more. I was afraid they would skimp on the monsters and transformations, etc. but hell no, they deliver, and Cage is fantastic. Between this and Mandy, he's really knocking them out of the park.

Bio Hunter (1995) serves up a fun gory anime.

I'm a bit obsessed with monsters. I just think they're fuckin awesome... Frankenstein, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Wolfman, Nosferatu, the Mummy, Dracula, Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky, Michael Meyers, the Thing, the Blob, Alien, Predator. The list goes on and on. Since I'm in Tokyo now making a monster movie, naturally I have to dig into whatever monster anime I can find, and thankfully I have a great Japanese friend to give me recommendations (thank you Sho!). So much of horror anime deals with transforming. I love that. They took the Wolfman myth and shoved crack in his veins. Forget a wolf. These fuckers can turn into anything. The best thing about anime is they can do whatever the hell they want especially looking at these gory creative 80s/early 90s titles. They are exquisite (I'm sure no one ever used that word before to describe Bio Hunter) but seriously, this stuff is awesome. Devilman, Wicked City, Geno Cyber, etc. It's all gold. Ok, you have to be a little crazy like me. Alright, more than a little but I think anyone can appreciate their imagination and unbridled creativity. No? Ok, well, I tried. I'm nuts, but like Michael Keaton said in Batman, let's get nuts. Nobody reads this, do they?

Mandy (2018) is quite wicked.

The lighting and atmosphere is fantastic. How could you not love those demonic bikers? Like some fucked up cenobites on wheels. "The Reaper is coming." Gotta love that. Nicholas Cage is a lot of fun in this. I especially love the fate of the big baddie at the end. So well done. I burst out laughing because I loved it so much. It was over the top and perfect. Some really great gore FX all around. Glad to see practical. Lighting is so critical to horror but too often it's overlooked. It can make or break everything. I heard about the Cheddar Goblin before. It's easy to see why that stole the spotlight. It's hilarious. The dark humor is pitch black but it's great. My sense of humor exactly. If anything, I wish there were more monsters, and I don't think you need the bad LSD explanation but probably some viewers will want that. You could've gone even more weird and I would've happily gone along. The style of the filmmaking is so engrossing. It really makes this movie unique and a joy to watch.

A Quiet Place (2018) is phenomenal.

Finally a new creature feature that actually delivers. Relying only on sign language and visual storytelling for so much of its runtime was a ballsy move: you're asking the audience to sit in near silence for long stretches. Sure, you get small sounds of people walking around, ambience, a fantastic score reminiscent of Sicario, etc. but some of your patrons are going to get antsy with no one talking and yet it's genius. Film is a visual medium and often the less dialogue, the better. Show, don't tell, is the old adage. The lack of people blabbing instantly puts you into the world of these characters where any sound could mean instant death and the opening quickly establishes these stakes. Whatever these monsters are, they're not fucking around. When a little space shuttle toy nearly comes crashing down to the floor, barely saved at the last second, the reactions on the faces of our protagonist tell you clearly how one little mistake like that could cost everyone their lives. It's phenomenal writing and such an amazing concept to create tension. You don't get any explanation for what the monsters are or where they came from and you don't need one. Those questions don't matter. It's all about survival. They use CGI for the creatures but even that is done very well and the monster design is so unique I can't fault them one bit. Everything works and what a great ending. I want to make films like this.

Harbinger Down Premiere

I was extremely excited for this new practical-FX horror film (seriously, we need more good old-fashioned REAL effects!), and I had never been to a premiere in Hollywood before so I knew I had to go. I never met any celebrities before either (I saw Savini at a convention once but didn't dare talk to Sex Machine). Of course, I had seen Lance Henriksen in Aliens, Terminator, Pumpkinhead, Near Dark, heck even Piranha 2, which really isn't that bad (Cameron improved it a crazy amount before he was unjustly fired... the foreign producer just wanted an American name on the movie while he ran off to shoot topless scenes on a beach! quite a behind-the-scenes story if you haven't heard it). So clearly I was a fan of Lance (Millennium! Hard Target! damn I love Hard Target and Lance plays the villain so well! Stone Cold too! over 200 acting credits according to IMDb). But I was a little wary... you know what they say about meeting your idols and I knew I would come off like an idiot fanboy, which I am! Bishop! I was going to meet freakin "not bad for a human" Bishop! And I haven't even read his autobiography yet (hey, I'm overseas... shipping is impossible and they don't sell it here). The guy learned to read by reading scripts! Buy his freakin book here!

Lance is the man.

The event took place at the historic Egyptian Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. Alien premiered there in 1979 (pics below!) so simply going there was a big deal for me. If you haven't guessed, I'm an absolutely insane Aliens fan: Kenner toys? Got them all. In their packages, and yes, I care. Snake Alien and all (sounds even more ridiculous when you type it). Even the original 1979 Kenner Alien doll. Saved up and bought it in high school. Posters, models, Chestburster shirt, even pins and puzzles. I ran the Alien Legend fan website since I was a teenager.

Wish I could've been there!

Not to mention, meeting Alec Gillis and Tom Woodruff, Jr., two of the biggest names in the FX business who worked with Stan Winston on Aliens and countless other phenomenal films (Winston's son even acts in the movie!).

Don't let this guy in!

True, I had a 13-hour flight to get there and the plane tickets were damn expensive but it was absolutely worth it. The film has some fantastic creature effects, and Alec was sure to thank all the Kickstarter backers at the beginning of the premiere (I was a bit worried we might be forgotten but he is a man of his word as Lance later told me). I won't go into spoilers, but immediately when the film started, you could sense the excitement in the air and everyone cheered at the first shot of space (and at Lance's classic introduction).

The after party was a lot of fun. These things can potentially be slightly awkward with everyone vying for time with the stars, but I had a chance to meet Lance and get a photo with him. He was very friendly and the type of kind, appreciative man you'd hope he would be. I chatted very briefly with him about James Cameron (my favorite filmmaker obviously... can't beat Aliens, Terminator, T2, The Abyss, True Lies, etc.). He told me how Cameron is an extremely hard worker. Always the first one on set and the last to leave.

I'm the idiot on the right.

I also spoke with the lead actress and a few more of the cast. They were all very nice and talked quite a bit with me. There was a cool little photo op in the courtyard in front of the theater where you could take pictures with one of the monsters, a piece of the set, and some of the props. I also exchanged stories with some other Kickstarter backers especially some guys from Chicago. I wish I would've done that even more. It's always great talking to fellow horror fans and movie lovers. I met a great Swiss guy who came all the way from France.

I got a picture with Alec, and to my surprise, he invited on a tour of Studio ADI the next day. That was pretty amazing, seeing a huge Tremors graboid on the wall and the brain bug from Starship Troopers along with life-size Aliens and Predators (even the Queen head from AvP... can't stand AvP but the Queen's head was cool). Alec was very laid back and honest. Felt like you could talk to him about anything. Then you remember this guy has worked with the very best in the business (Ridley Scott, David Fincher, James Cameron, etc.), but he was very down-to-earth and generous. We got to roam around and take photos. It was incredible. I grew up on Aliens, Tremors, Starship Troopers, etc. so the experience was pretty surreal, and like a lot of fans, I always wondered why Hollywood kept using so much CGI like for the awful remake/prequel of The Thing (tax incentives! I couldn't believe it when Alec explained it all in interviews... what's wrong with Hollywood? there you go).

Definitely be sure to check out Harbinger Down when it hits theaters this summer in the US on August 7th especially if you're sick of Hollywood's CG crapfests. For what it's worth, I don't hate CGI (superhero films pretty much require it and I love The Avengers as much as the next guy). I just hate CG blood and how overused CGI is now particularly in horror films where practical would be so much more effective. For my own films, it's all practical.

Dead Birds deserves some more love.

A victim of some undercooked CGI but overflowing with a foreboding atmosphere and a very unique setup, I can't help praising this creepy little gem. Let's not forget it's a horror western as well. How many of those can you count? There are also some fantastic detailed explanations for it online, and I think a lot of the seemingly-ambiguous elements become more clear on repeated viewings. The look of the monsters is pretty outstanding (despite again, the CGI, which ranges from fairly good to slightly weak), but I love the anti-hero characters, the sense of something greater and more sinister going on in the shadows, the way the story starts and progresses before coming full circle, etc.

I don't think the fact it's so good is surprising given the writer Simon Barrett who has done fantastic work recently on VHS, You're Next, and The Guest (hell yes). According to IMDb, this is the first feature written by him, and it's an incredible debut if you ask me. Some people were annoyed The Guest doesn't spell everything out for the viewer, but I think if you're really paying attention, it tells you all you need to know. The same can be said for Dead Birds in my opinion, and I'm a big fan of Mr. Barrett's approach. Of course, I think the directors of said projects also should be congratulated, because their contributions are phenomenal too. I just wish screenwriters were appreciated more. Everyone thinks they can write but really most people can't, and truly great screenwriting takes an insane amount of hard work, discipline, and determination.

I grew up on The Green Slime.

Well, that and Aliens. And Predator ("I'm heerrrrreee... kill me nooooowwww!") and a ton of Godzilla movies. So yes, I love this movie, and I'm a little sad it has a 4.0 rating on IMDb. I guess a lot of people think it's cheesy and stupid. I suppose the opening song is pretty goofy, but I don't care. I remember seeing this as a kid and having it blow my mind then trying to figure out what the hell it was called as an adult. I rewatched it recently, and I still think it's awesome. Even if it's a little dated (ok, very dated), that is part of its charm. But really this story doesn't waste any time. Within the first few minutes, you find out an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth. They quickly put together a team to land on it and plant bombs. By the thirty min mark, they've already blown it up. So what took Armageddon 2 hours and 30 min to do, they've finished in their first act (by the way, Armageddon has a 6.4 rating on IMDb... what's wrong with this picture?).

Then of course, you get the best part: the monsters. And since this was shot at Toei Tokyo Studios with a Japanese director, they have tentacles. Alright, maybe not every Japanese drools over tentacles, but they seriously show up a lot. They even have a special subgenre of porn with them... yeah. I'm not joking, and it's weird. Girls wrapped in tentacles with the slimy things going in certain places... I don't understand the appeal. And it's basically an FX show since you need guys to operate the damn tentacles offscreen. What's worse is when I told my brother, he replied, "You didn't know?" I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Anyway, some might complain the monsters are ridiculous rubber pieces of shit. Yes, they could be better, but I love 'em. Sure, they don't compare to Giger's famous xenomorph or Stan Winston's skull-totin' space hunter (in fact, next to them, yeah, they look awful), but this movie was made in 1968, and it's easy to see the great imagination behind them even if they couldn't execute it perfectly. Yep, I'm probably the only person who loves this movie. What can I say? I have a soft spot for monster movies. But come on. This is a million times better than Armageddon.

How do you fuck up Doom?

1. Take away hell ie the whole story of the games. The whole reason for the monsters and demons. The one thing crucial to the entire idea. That's like making A Nightmare on Elm Street without Freddy. Yes, I suppose they could've left out the monsters, but they basically did since now all you've got is a single boring humanoid design that is just a genetically-modified idiot instead of an entire army of hell spawn, which brings me to my next point...

2. WHERE ARE ALL THE FUCKING MONSTERS? You had Stan Winston, and this is what you gave us? Did they even look at the games? There are a ton of incredible fuckin demon designs yet they just use one, and it's not even the best one. Why didn't they put in some monsters from the original Doom and Doom 2? What the fuck were they thinking? This was a $60 million dollar movie, and that's the most they could do? Where did they spend the money?

3. They never use the BFG. They fire it once into a fuckin wall! How can you have one of the most badass weapons ever and never use it to kill some monsters? Or kill some fuckin people I don't care. Show the Rock murdering all those people with it. DO SOMETHING. They actually had a pretty awesome special effect for when it destroys the wall too, but that's all they do with it. SHOOT SOME FUCKIN MONSTERS! USE THE BIG FUCKING GUN MOTHERFUCKERS!

4. The big finale is a FIST FIGHT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE! WTF? This isn't Kickboxer 4 assholes, it's fuckin DOOM! I DON'T WANT TO SEE A WRESTLING MATCH! Remember Doom 2? One marine on his own in HELL? That would be a great third act. GIVE ME SOME FUCKIN MONSTERS YOU DIPSHITS!!!

Only in Hollywood would they make this piece of shit.

I actually like all the actors too, but they even managed to rob Dwayne Johnson of all his charisma. This has to be one of the most disappointing films I've seen agonizingly suffered through. Yes, Alien Resurrection is a million times worse to me (or the awful Matrix sequels), but it's not like Doom is that hard to get right. Give us a ton of monsters, some marines we care about, use the BFG, and keep hell in the story! (And yes, it must be rated R with a ton of PRACTICAL blood FX.) I know it isn't that easy with studio politics, dumb executive notes, and all the stupid shit that goes on behind the scenes, but come on! ID Software should've just made the film independently and then had the studios distribute it. It's just unbelievable somebody would sign off on this crap.

Of course, it's due for a reboot (isn't everything?), but the odds of them getting it right are slim to none, and I've already been burned once. Still, it boggles my mind...

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY FUCK UP DOOM?!?!?!

P.S. The poster even says, "ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE." Well, in the immortal words of R.J. MacReady, "Yeah, fuck you too!"

Waxwork vs. Full Eclipse

Vampires, a werewolf, the mummy, Frankenstein's monster, zombies, and more all together in one movie? That can't possibly be bad, right? How about a werewolf cop flick? Uhm, ok, doesn't sound the greatest, but surely, one of these has to be good... yes? No? Please say yes. So what do they have in common? Both were directed by Anthony Hickox. Of the two, I was betting on Waxwork (1988). After all, who doesn't love '80s horror? Aliens, The Thing, Predator, The Fly, etc. Waxwork has to be better. But I actually prefer Full Eclipse (1993). Yes, the werewolf movie where there isn't a single werewolf until the end (and even then it looks pretty damn awful... werebear attack!). Who needs werewolves when you get a bunch of bone-claw Wolverines! Why do I like this again?

For one, the writing is actually a lot better. Right from the start, they twist a boring old cop-movie cliche and make it interesting. They even have a little slow-motion shootout obviously inspired by the Hong Kong gunplay master. You definitely get your squib fix, and none of that bloodless PG-13 shit. Then you have Bruce Payne. You might remember him from Passenger 57... or maybe not, but the guy is a phenomenal actor who knows how to play a villain. He gives his character the kind of manipulative charm, class, and lethal unpredictability that great theatrically-trained European actors are known for. He would’ve been right at home in a Die Hard sequel (guess that was Passenger 57). But he definitely reminds me of Alan Rickman.

Why is this photo here?

Patsy Kensit, the pretty damsel-in-distress from Lethal Weapon 2, also plays a key role although this film has the paradox of a sex scene without nudity, and it commits this crime not once but twice; however, it still manages to make those scenes work so it probably deserves even more credit. Yes, the werewolf transformation at the end sucks (actually, it’s pretty damn funny), and I hate werewolf movies that don’t have werewolves, but regardless, Full Eclipse is a lot of fun. It's almost like a bloody X-Men.

Uhm, yeah, my eyes just begged for mercy.

So why didn't I like Waxwork? Of course, you'll recognize Zach Galligan from Gremlins, but unlike that classic, his character here is awful. He isn't sympathetic or fascinating, much less cool, badass, funny, etc. He just seems like a rich jerk who complains about not getting his coffee. Then in the next scene when he immediately gets his caffeine and a cigarette, he blows smoke in the butler's face. The girl he likes says over and over how crappy he is while she comes off as self-absorbed and heartless. The true love interest doesn't get much development at all until later (and there ain't much to her except she likes being whipped). Nobody is really worth caring about so the first third of the movie is a painful slog through boringville while you wait for the monsters to show up.

Team Expendable.

Spoiler time. They give some bizarre explanation for how the whole wax-museum ghost display thingies work. Something about the owner sold his soul to the devil, but then they throw in some Voodoo mumbo jumbo too. Wasn't the devil story enough? Why does the guy need Voodoo as well? What the heck is up with the German midget and the tall Lester-type guy who acts like a baby when he's scolded? Whatever. The movie is kinda a mess. They say the world will end if the exhibits are finished, but that happens yet all they have to do is burn down the museum to stop it? Ok.

The film has a really strange opening scene too. A guy is murdered and burned alive, but they have swing music playing in the background... why? It turns out that poor bastard was the main character's grandfather. So we're supposed to laugh at his death or what? Nice confusing tone right at the beginning. After our hero Mark loses two friends to the museum, he's allowed to walk right out. Why? So the story can continue? Is that it? Wouldn't the owner stop him and throw him in an exhibit? He does later so why not earlier?

Cool.

I did like the short mummy scene and the finale is pretty entertaining. Plus, I love seeing so many different kinds of monsters together. It's just a shame the rest of it wasn't better.

Neither one is perfect (not by a long shot), and Full Eclipse has nothing on Demon Knight (my favorite horror film from the '90s), but up against Waxwork, I got to go with the Wolverine cops.