Review: Inside (2007)

From the very beginning of this film (the opening credits in fact), it's all too clear the intention of these French filmmakers.  They want to gross you out and exploit the inherent body horror aspects of pregnancy.  The problem with this: it's easy.  Disgust is the most simple and cheapest of all reactions to evoke in your audience.  Just show a fingernail being pulled off, a tooth being yanked out, the vomit as someone throws up, etc.  Basically, forget good taste, and there you go.  I mentioned that first example of the fingernail on purpose, because I want you to think back to David Cronenberg's masterpiece The Fly.  It also has some stomach-churning moments, but unlike Inside, you actually know the lead character, and you care about him so when Seth Brundle's body starts to deteriorate, these scenes also become genuinely horrifying as well, because you've made a connection with the protagonist.  You put yourself in his shoes.  Otherwise, it's superficial, and that is the real issue with this horror movie.

Spoilers below.

I don't know anything about this pregnant girl except she was in a car accident, her husband died, and you guessed it: she's pregnant.  She is not portrayed as a full-fledged human being.  There are no chances for levity or humor in this film.  She can't smile or make a joke, not that one normally would after such tragic events, but even in the worst of times, we often find something surprising that causes us to show the stark opposite emotion of what you'd expect.  I'm sure she would reflect back on some positive memories with her lover.  You need something to flesh her out so we can get to know her as a person.  As someone we understand to be real and not just a puppet on the stage.  We really don't get anything about her, and that one dimensionality brings us to the next point.

Inside basically has one mood throughout: depressing.  Everything is grim and dark.  Her house looks like a living nightmare simply because of the way it's lit, which I like since after losing your spouse and returning to where you two used to be happy together, it would become an awful terrifying reminder of what you've lost, but to convey such material, you need contrast.  You'd have to show the house before and after so we see and feel the change (think of when RoboCop goes back to his empty home).  One mood can work, but it's tricky.  John Carpenter's The Thing pretty much has a bleak mood all the way through; however, you care about the characters, and some of their antics, like MacReady pouring his drink in the computer chess game after it "cheats," are pretty funny so it's not all one note.  Inside, on the other hand, is always the same, and unfortunately, it's only concerned with surface details.

Let's look at the antagonist.  You don't learn anything about her until the third act of the movie.  Up until then, all you know is she has baby fever and she likes scissors.  So yeah, she's batshit insane.  She's also not too bright since she quickly alerts the pregnant girl to her presence by standing right outside the house in plain sight to where the girl calls the cops.  Good move.  The audience is left to wonder who the hell this woman is for 80% of the film.  So she's basically the shark in Jaws up until the end, which could work if I knew the protagonist (Brody? Quint? Hooper?) but I don't.  I don't know anyone so I'm not invested in what's happening.

Another monumental flaw is the way the movie strains believability with genre cliches.  The pregnant girl kills her own mother by mistake.  Sound familiar?  It should.  The same kind of thing happens in The Strangers, The Descent, and about a billion other movies.  It's extremely hard to sell that, I've seen it before (especially recently), and even if it manages to work (I don't think it ever does although it didn't bother me as much in The Descent), it's still annoying.  If you want to read some deep message into how the girl is taking the place of her mother by killing her or whatever, quit kidding yourself.  That is far too obvious to be interesting, and if they intended that to be a theme, it's not developed.  The mother-daughter relationship is not explored at all in the film.  As soon as you meet the mom (and by meet, I mean see, because you don't get to know any of these characters), she is killed in one of the most contrived deaths I've ever seen.  Of course, the girl would not see her mom before opening the door and stabbing her.

The other ridiculous cliche would have to be the stupid cops.  Do they call for backup even after they realize something is horribly wrong?  No.  Do they have radios or cell phones on them?  No.  Do they behave anything like real police officers with training?  No.  Do they all get killed by being complete idiots?  Of course, they do.  What's sad is they fool you into thinking they might be doing something smart with the cops, because they have one realize that the lady answering the door is not the woman who called for help, but then instead of immediately alerting his co-workers or calling for backup, he turns into a total moron so he can die, and the other officers follow suit.  You'd think one might possess some intelligence but no.

You also get the villain that never dies.  Evil witch basically gets her whole face burned off (the makeup looks outstanding, but that's the only positive) and yet she still survives with enough strength to overpower the protagonist and kill her.  Yes, it's a happy ending (actually, I like the last shot, but I hate the movie).  Now, let's go back to the discussion of bad taste and grossing out your viewer.

Have you ever wanted to see a makeshift C-section with scissors going in a woman's belly button?  Well, you get one in all its disgusting glory.  Does it really add anything by showing it?  No.  Is it cheap and exploitative?  Yes.  Is it completely predictable?  Yes.  Do they give you a nice insulting overview of the aftermath with our dead protagonist?  You bet they do.  Somebody must really hate pregnant women, because they have no sympathy at all, and they don't have any for the audience either.  Got to be extreme, right?  And what's more extreme than cutting out a baby with scissors?  This is not what horror is supposed to be, and it's just giving ammo to the genre's critics.  I could not defend this movie to non-horror fans, and I would not try.  It's a sad excuse for storytelling that fails on every level.  There's nothing smart about it.

So by the end, we find out the antagonist was in the same car accident, and she was actually pregnant too, but she lost the baby because of the crash.  This would be a good twist if the protagonist had been developed, because they basically switch roles.  We might have rooted for the antagonist had we known all along and had she been built up as a sympathetic character although she's probably still too psychotic to win us over.  But it turns out this twist is mind-numbingly stupid.  The protagonist tells us that no one else survived according to the authorities.  So they lied to her?  Everybody who arrived at the scene?  All the doctors and nurses at the hospital?  Why would they do that?  That doesn't make any sense.  Of course, someone would've told her.  So they didn't know someone survived?  How is that possible?  There would be the other vehicle with evidence that someone left the scene.  I'm sure she would've been injured (she did lose the baby in the accident) so blood would've been left behind.  If she was the driver, obviously, they would've known there was a survivor.  If she wasn't, she still had to get out of the vehicle (which I imagine she couldn't do by herself after such a bad accident), and if she was with a spouse, they would've known to look for her.  Even if she was just dating the guy or he was a friend, their families would've known when they were notified.  It just doesn't make any sense.  Did the protagonist's family not let the authorities tell their daughter the truth or did her parents lie to her so she didn't suffer more trauma?  That is still such a stretch, and it doesn't make sense either, because the authorities would've had to tell the parents so they would've recognized the woman in the house.  Why is this line even in the movie?  It just makes the whole thing unravel.

One last thing I want to talk about is the CGI.  Most of the film uses practical effects, which are quite good, but then you get these awful jarring shots of a CG baby in the protagonist's womb reacting to the mother getting hit, kicked, etc.  You shouldn't do these shots if you can't make them believable.  They're like a bad cartoon.  They don't fit at all.  They don't add anything anyway (I didn't expect the baby to be smiling in there), and since they look so fake, they instantly take you right out of the movie.

Every good film has characters you care about.  Characters that are actually developed.  Making a film to be extreme is just silly and pointless.  A good filmmaker understands the difference between good taste and bad taste.  They're saying something or expressing something meaningful to them, and it should be communicated well enough to where it becomes meaningful to the audience as well.  The whole movie shouldn't fall apart if you spend more than two seconds thinking about it.  Anyone can disgust somebody.  Just chew with your mouth open.  That's the cinematic equivalent of Inside.

The Walking Dead Season 6

The one thing that bugs me about The Walking Dead is the CG blood. It always looks awful, but I still like the show (Daryl! Maggie!). For me though, I'm always going to do practical FX. No CGI. I just think it's a million times more believable especially in horror. I actually made this film before The Walking Dead became such an insanely-popular TV show, but if you like that, you should definitely like my film, and you can be happy to know you're supporting practical FX. My next movie is a creature feature with literally hundreds of monsters so your money will go to a worthy goal. Plus, my movie won two Best Feature awards, an Award of Merit for Cinematography, nominated for Best Score, it has a 7.0 rating on IMDb with over 1,000 votes, it has gotten a lot of good reviews, etc.

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Review: Carnosaur 2 (1995)

Like Aliens? Good, this is the same movie. Pretty much scene by scene. Remember the Dropship pilot Ferro getting killed by an Alien? Just change it to a helicopter, raptor, and some girl you don't know. You loved Hudson? Does this sound familiar? "How did they cut the power man? They're lizards man!" They don't even try to hide it. Does that mean it's good? Well, it's better than the first. They got rid of the retarded women birthing eggs bit. The dinosaurs still look pretty fake, and they reuse some shots at the end of the movie since they steal the climatic battle from the original film, but hey, give 'em a break. They had to rip off the Queen vs. Powerloader fight too. It's not easy to cannibalize your own work and someone else's. If you had to suffer through one of these, Carnosaur 2 would be your best bet. The acting is an improvement over the first, but that's not saying much. It's not like you'll really care about anyone in it, but then again, if you have some insane thirst for dinosaur-induced bloodshed, this may just be your fountain of youth.

Confession time: I actually like this movie. I'm a huge Aliens fan so throwing in dinosaurs works for me. It's horribly flawed and not original by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, a lot of it is awful, but it's not like we've had many (any) good bloody dinosaur movies. And this one is a lot more fun than the first. Yeah, I think it's just cause I love Aliens so much. That is a perfect movie.

Review: Carnosaur (1993)

Compare this to Jurassic Park, and it's the worst film ever made. But putting that side, if you ever wanted to see a T-Rex brutally devour some helpless hippies, here you go. It's also got women giving birth to massive dinosaur eggs, which kills them. Yeah... this movie really isn't good. But there are lots of chickens. Because they're used to... oh, who gives a sh*t, it's got dinosaurs eating people! Yeah, it's dumb. Incredibly dumb. But it's based on a book, which is probably good. I don't know. I wasn't inspired to read it after this. But the characters are named after birds. See... it's smart too? Right? No? Ok. I tried. It is extremely gory. The FX range from good (raptor attack in a jeep) to piss poor (flabby fat T-Rex neck). The good part is they're all practical, and really, they're not too bad for a low budget Roger Corman flick (he was the Executive Producer, they had two directors! two is better, right? no?). A few shots manage to look convincing (just a few though). But they only had 1 million dollars to slap together this monstrosity (Jurassic Park was made for 63 million, quite a difference). Ever dreamed of seeing a small-town Sheriff gutted by a raptor (erm Deinonychus)? What the hell is wrong with you? I mean... welcome to the movie of your dreams! Apparently, the novel had different protagonists (two journalists vs a night watchman and an environmentalist... yes, I'm stealing this from Wikipedia, do you think I have thoughts of my own?), a whole lot more dinosaurs, and no virus women-laying-eggs subplot (damn, I guess that confirms my theory the book actually doesn't suck). This movie did have an awesome preview on TV. Something about God resting. Then he made dinosaurs, and they ate people. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome. Unfortunately, no one has uploaded it to YouTube yet, which is a shame. It's better than the movie. The official trailer, on the other hand, is worse so I'm not embedding it. I found a clip from the film though. Be warned: it's bloody, it's in Spanish, and the raptor couldn't look more fake. What does the guy to say to it? "Greetings, Earth Brother." What else would you say to a giant dino? Yes, he deserved to die.

Review: The Fly II (1989)

David Cronenberg's The Fly is one impossible act to follow. It's a classic with a flawless script, incredible acting, tight pacing, amazing practical FX, and a haunting tragic score (the music at the end is so far beyond brilliant, it makes ninjas explode out of my face). Yeah, it's that good.

So how does the sequel measure up? Obviously, it's going to take a beating. Could anybody top the original? Besides Cronenberg himself? I doubt it, but you know what I actually love The Fly II. It's not perfect, but it has a certain 80s charm to it. And Daphne Zuniga is a large part of that. She plays her role with ease and makes the love story believable. It's not hard to see why someone would fall for her. Everyone likes to rag on Eric Stoltz, but I think he does a good job in this, and the villains of Bartok Industries are pitch perfect. Of course, Lee Richardson does a stellar job as the evil head honcho, switching from a sweet surrogate father to a greedy heartless bastard in no time. I never see Gary Chalk get any credit, but he's absolutely fantastic as Anton's second-in-command. I love his death scene and especially the moment right before when he gives his boss a crazed pissed-off look as he reloads his gun. It's a one-dimensional part (and it had to be), but he nails it.

I much prefer the design of the Brundle Fly in the first film, but the monster in the second one is a lot of fun, and it has a lot more screen time, which means it's that much harder to pull off. It works though and seeing it melt faces off guards is another highlight of the movie. Ok, onto the story. An early treatment for the sequel had Seth's consciousness surviving in a Telepod computer with Bartok scientists enslaving him to develop the system for cloning purposes! WTF! That sounds a little nuts. Then again Cronenberg endorsed it at the time so maybe it would've been good. Who knows. But what do we get? Seth's son growing up inside Bartok trying to figure out his father's work so he can cure himself. With a love story and a betrayal. A much more classic monster movie, and I'm always a fan of those. And of course, the dog. Sure, the little mutated critter might be cheap, but the dog gets me every time. And it makes you hate Anton. It works. Frank Darabont worked on the script. No wonder it's good even if other cooks messed with the recipe.

The directing is solid. No shaky cam. Again, it's not Cronenberg (and I do love my Cronenberg... Scanners anyone? The Dead Zone?), but it's well done and clear. The music by Christopher Young (Hellraiser) also fits the feel of this film. It's a little more light than Howard Shore's phenomenal work (damn, I love that score), but it's good.

The Fly II is worth your time and then some. I love it, and I wish they'd make more monster movies like it (and definitely a helluva lot more like the original, but Cronenberg is Cronenberg, which is what makes the first so extraordinary).

Review: Godzilla's Revenge (1969)

Not a horror movie you say? Watch it, and when your eyes bleed out their sockets, try telling me that. Where to start? Did you like some other Godzilla movies? Good, because you get to rewatch them in this. Everything is reused footage aside from the me-like-apples retard conversations between Godzilla's brain-damaged son and some Japanese kid (who has probably hanged himself by now). To sum it up in the most sophisticated manner possible, it felt like my brain realized some foreign entity declared war on it so it lathered itself up with fire and started playing the banjo in fire-resistant overalls until it decided the only reasonable solution was to self-destruct in a pair of beige blue rocket pants. In other words, I think I lapsed into a coma and died. Yes, I'd recommend it. I think the moment the light from the movie hits your eyes, your pride retreats into your skull and melts. This is your guaranteed ticket to shame and remorse. Ever wanted to go full retard with a fat little Barney impersonator? What about a green bug-eyed midget that blows smoke rings? Meet Godzilla's Revenge. And I actually like Godzilla's son in other movies. "But it's got Godzilla in it," you say. "Can't be that bad." That's what I thought when I watched the American Godzilla movie, and then my soul remembered the meaning of pain. Masochists, this one is for you!

Review: Son of Godzilla (1967)

Where to begin... Godzilla himself looks like a saggy mutant hippo with one enormous fat neck that's bigger than his actual head. It's by far the worst of the suits. Couldn't they just reuse an old one? The giant praying mantises are actually pretty well done as is the spider Kumonga (though the fact they're his only enemies is ridiculous), and I actually like the scenes between father and son, but overall, this film is extremely disappointing. It's nothing compared to the masterpiece of the original or my personal favorite, Godzilla 1985. All the sets and everything look so cheap, which I'm sure they were. And besides the big guy's laughably bad appearance, any sense of danger from him is gone as well. There's no king of the monsters here. Obviously, this was aimed at kids, and it shows. It's a complete 180 from the atomic nightmare Godzilla was supposed to represent. No cities are destroyed. Godzilla couldn't even stay in shape for this one. God, that suit looks awful. My eyes are crying out for help. Did they want him to be deformed? What the hell happened? Did he finally let himself go? Jeez, that's one of the worst things I've ever seen. Wake me when it's over.

Review: Split Second (1992)

A lot of people call this a crappy Predator ripoff. While it's true the monster vaguely resembles H.R. Giger's famous Alien (ok, it looks just like it), I have to disagree. Because this little movie has one thing going for it that's more badass than anything in the known universe. Rutger Hauer. And of course, Neil Duncan. Together, they're an unstoppable force that elevate this to new heights. This feels like an 80s flick. It's got the gore, nudity, tough guys with guns, one liners, practical FX, and a monster ripping out hearts. Sure, the creature is never explained. It's the devil! And yes, it can shoot guns with those long sharp fingers. It took lessons, ok? Yeah, it paid for 'em. It loves MasterCard. What the hell do you want? It's got fuckin' Rutger Hauer! And the best line(s) ever in the history of cinema: "Guns! We need bigger fucking guns!" How can you not love that? It's hilarious. Hauer and Duncan make this thing awesome. I wish they would've done a sequel just so they could team up again. And the setting kicks ass. A flooded London in the future. The sewers. Is it as good as Aliens? Well... no. Predator? No. Terminator? No. Dammit, stop saying good movies. It's better than Carnosaur! Never heard of it? Yeah, it sucked. Actually, it was like a bloody Jurassic Park with a shitty story, no park, and worse FX. Kinda enjoyed it in a bad way (and you thought I had good taste). Anyway, the point is Rutger Hauer! Rutger fuckin' Hauer! And yes, this is the most in-depth review you've ever read not written by a 12-year-old. Did I mention Kim Cattrall? No? Ok, good. She sucks, but you should see it. It's awesome.

Review: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

One of the greatest cult classics ever made. Popcorn shooting space guns, cotton candy cocoons, a Godzilla Boss Klown, giant curly blood-sucking straws, face melting pies, what more do you need to know? Are there robots? What are you? 10? What's that? Ninjas? You're seriously asking me if there are ninjas? That's a good point though. Note to self: always include ninjas. No, there aren't any ninjas. But there's an old man and his dog in a cute little homage to The Blob. And there's a creepy circus tent in the woods. And there's a shower scene where clown plants attack a lady. Yeah, that part kinda sucked. I mean... yeah... uh, it was awesome! Best thing I've ever seen. But seriously, I died a little bit inside when I saw that.

The Mooney puppet though is awesome. That's my favorite scene. The lighting is perfect, and it's actually a little unnerving. It helps if you think clowns only exist to drag you under your bed and eat you, which they most certainly do. But John Vernon does a great job in the grumpy cop role, and he completely sells that part.

What else? There's some girl klowns with inflating balloon breasts, and they have the hots for two guys they find. Nothing strange about that. So yeah, question. Old dude sees a tent in the middle of the forest with no paths leading to it. No roads. No people anywhere. No power sources. It's dark as hell outside, probably midnight, and he just wanders inside? What a dumbass. But yeah, that's what I'm nitpicking. Everything else made sense. I love the movie though. I hope they get the sequel off the ground.

Another Best Feature Award!

The Sky Has Fallen won Best Feature at the 2009 Freak Show Horror Film Festival! I was actually down in Florida visiting my brother so we were able to go to the screening. I never thought it'd win anything, and now, it has won two Best Feature awards! I can't believe it. The version playing at festivals is actually still an early cut, but it won't be long, and the film will finally be out on DVD.

Festival News

We won Best Horror Feature at the 2009 Indie Gathering Film Fest! And The Sky Has Fallen has also been chosen to play around the world at the following festivals:

British Film Festival LA
Swansea Bay International Film Festival
The Heart of England International Film Festival
International Film Festival Ireland
International Film Festival Thailand
International Film Festival South Africa
Fright Night International Horror Film Festival
Lighthouse International Film Festival
Freak Show International Horror Film Festival
International Indie Can Film Festival

Additional Photography Completed

Looked like we might get rained out (damn you weather!), but we only lost an hour or two. The blood cannon was put to good use (actually both of them were... we bought a second one), and we did a couple new things at night as well as adding various pieces here and there. We managed to get a lot of extra footage in a short amount of time. Now, back to editing...

Horror Society Review

Somebody liked the movie! It's a miracle!

"Exploring the relationship between two survivors of a plague-like virus as they cat and mouse it with ‘the leader’ and his red n’ dead creatures, Roos creates both a sympathetic point of view and a world of oozing horror as well."

http://www.horrorsociety.com/2009/04/13/review

Joe Barrucco

This is the guy I recommend for sound. It can easily cost you a small fortune, but he did it for next to nothing. I can't believe it. I can’t tell you how worried I was about the sound. 90% of the sound effects are foley he made. He cleaned up all the dialogue, which is a big task in itself, got everything to be seamless, did 5.1 mixing, etc. Always have your sound designer do a demo. That’s how I narrowed it down. No matter what they say, all that matters is what they can do.

James Sizemore

This man is brilliant. We actually got to record live instruments. I didn’t think that was possible on my budget (or lack thereof). All I can say is thanks James, and thanks to all these amazing, incredible musicians. It was the greatest honor to be there and hear you guys play. We have a score I’m immensely proud of, and it fits the movie perfectly. I really wanted something extraordinary, and James delivered far beyond my wildest expectations. I couldn’t be happier.

Audio Concerns

Nervous about finding a composer. Music is so important in a film. We can't have a bad score. That would kill the movie. The production audio needs a great deal of work too. We were careful with the levels (thanks internet), and we had good equipment (Sennheiser MKH-70 microphone on an internally-wired boom pole), but there's only so much you can do. I know the dialogue is going to be a nightmare because of all the noises outside, but there has to be someone up to the task. Question is whether I can find that person (and afford him). And send him back in time to stop an Austrian actor from making a third Terminator movie.

Fatal Exception Error

Never trust an editing program. Save, save, save. This one can't quite handle HD footage (despite claiming otherwise) so it likes to go run out in front of a car every once in a while. Just when you think it might be ok again, it starts freaking the fuck out about the little grey people in its cereal. I love editing though. It's like being a mad scientist with a million puzzles all mixed together on the floor, and you've got to make a monster out of them. Good luck.

Editing Begins

18 hours of raw footage. Do you think we shot enough? Cue exploding head (love me some Scanners). That takes some time to sort through (a lot of time). I've been cataloging everything. Editing it all will definitely take a while (months? years? what day is it? what year? he can't be bargained with, he can't be reasoned with, and he absolutely will not stop until you are dead... I hope our movie is that good), but that's one of my favorite parts of the process. It's so interesting to play around with the order and length of shots, seeing how it affects the scene as a whole. One little cut can change everything, and it's been exciting seeing just how much we shot. I was able to work a little on it while we were filming, but now, I can really focus on it. Even in hell, your suffering will be legendary.

Final Week

The light is best in the morning. Overexposure plagues digital (even HD), but it's easier that time of day. You can’t shoot in certain areas past noon since you run out of light and a giant green lizard tries to breathe radioactive fire on you. Stupid lizards. Once you’ve been in a place for a while (ok, maybe a month isn't that long), you start to get a feel for it. It’s always interesting trying to find new ways to use a location (ie not let anybody know you're broke as hell). You want to use your resources as best as possible without being limited by them. Whatever restrictions you have, you’ve got to use them to your advantage. I tried to craft a compelling story around two main characters, figuring I could at least find two good actors. The FX side was never going to be easy, but I felt confident there was a way to do it. In other words, dear movie, please don't suck.

Who puts a katana in their movie anyway?

Catching a sword was never going to be easy. I knew that when I wrote it, and I still wrote it. What an idiot. So how do you do it when it's supposed to be swung at full speed, and you don't want anyone to get hurt. Doesn't help if the person trying to catch it is covered in a black cloak and can't see too good. Well, we got it. Took a few takes. About 30. The sword work is tough. Making it look convincing is the hardest part. Plus, it usually has to be done over and over, which gets to be a bit much for the actors. We only had a short time for training (ie no time). But hey, you can't make a movie without a katana, right? You can? Shit.

There ain't no coming back...

The last conversation was today. Really fuckin important to the movie. If this sucks, everything is ruined. Both Laurel and Carey were extremely serious and focused. Did we get it? You'll just have to wait and see. Ha, I'd hate me too. Hey, I'm still writing, aren't I? If we didn't get it, I'd be burying myself in the backyard. Still got a ways to go though. Plenty of time to fuck it all up with a bad score or bad sound effects, bad editing, etc. Damn, I hope this movie is good. I knew I should've put that mutant hippo in the script. Damn hippos. They need to lose some weight.

Costume "Issues"

The figures look awful in bright sunlight, and by "awful," I mean fucking awful. Your-eyes-are-going-to-explode-out-of-your-head awful. Got to keep them in the shade. Still figuring out the Leader. His spikes never want to stand up straight. Need to rebuild them from scratch. They weigh too much. Shannon helped with sewing the sleeves. Too long before. Looked ridiculous like some crappy rejected Gandalf. They actually work now. The final film won’t show much of the Leader, but that's probably for the best. Never saw much of the Alien or "Bruce" either, not that we’re anywhere near their league (or budget or storytelling or super freakin awesomeness... damn, you Ridley Scott! stop making classics!).

Who doesn't love bad weather?

Rained out tonight. Gave us a chance to relax. Still got plenty done during the day. Working around the clock. One or two days off each week. Usually, we’re shooting for 22 hours straight (or longer by the time the equipment is put up). It’s grueling, but we’re making a movie so you can’t complain. Something priceless: $1,500 piece of equipment in a $2 cardboard box... that's an indie for you.

P2 Limits

We just did nearly 60% of the dialogue. Unfortunately, a lot of downtime comes from switching out memory cards and uploading them to a hard drive (wheeeeee... yes, it's that exciting). We can only get about 4 min at a time, but I guess that's a little like film and switching out magazines (except far cheaper... no? not like film at all? ok, I tried). Laurel and Carey had to memorize pages and pages of awful shit totally awesome shit I wrote. If it sucks, I can blame the producer. No? What about the director? They're all me? Ah fuck. What idiot hired me? I did? Shit. Stop cussing! What if a kitten reads this? Ha, kittens can't read. The film is all about the relationship of these two characters so if these scenes suck, we're screwed. Please don't suck. Please don't suck. Ah, the joy of filmmaking. At least, if it sucks, everyone will tell me! Ah shit...

Mmmm... Monsters

Extras... you get to be in a movie! Is it going to be in theaters? Well, uh... uhm... you get to have smelly crap glued to your face! Is Tom Cruise in it? Uhm... maybe? You don't get paid! And you can be half blind! Do I at least get a free lunch? Sure, if you can eat and drink through a straw! Hey, don't go! I need you to sign a waiver too! And I wonder why we have problems finding people. So yeah, makeup takes several hours at least. For the “hero” creature, it takes even longer especially the appliance blending. We use tissue paper, Pros-Aide adhesive, and PAX paint for that. Unbeatable combination... you know... for making the living dead. My aunt and uncle weren't a bit surprised to see ten monsters in full bloody regalia sitting around their kitchen table, eating homemade sandwiches, telling jokes and laughing. Who says a zombie lunch can't be heartwarming? Nah, they're not really "zombies." They don't eat the dead or turn other people by biting them. The mysterious black figures in the film experiment on the dead and turn them into these "creatures." Yep, I spent time thinking about that. Yep, that's why I'm single. By the end of the day, nobody wants to be a movie again (actually some do... they're crazy I know). Food helps. If you’re ever in Clinton, Missouri, all I can say is... Pizza Glen. Mmmmm... pizza.

Scheduling

We've been trying to space out the day and night scenes so the actors and crew don't melt into radioactive space moles (damn moles), but some days we're literally filming from one sunrise to the next. Laurel is also acting in a play this month so we've been working to accommodate her too (kill me... I told her it was ok since I didn't want her choosing between that play and this movie... Laurel is awesome but scheduling = death). Anyway, so far, so good. Tonight, we shoot one of the nightmare sequences (bet you've never seen one of those in a movie huh?). Running extension cords through the woods has been interesting (if you consider interesting, tripping through pitch black heavy forest). It's difficult not to blow a circuit with all the power the lights draw. Yeah, we've done it a couple times. My aunt and uncle love me (I think they're deciding where to bury the body). We got a special circuit protector to help though. Here's another fun fact: a lot of insects are attracted to the lights. It's a swarm some nights. Moths, June bugs, etc. So every once in a while you hear a pop and see a cloud of smoke coming out of the lights. That one didn't make it. Bugs: 0. Lights: 548.

One Week Down

We put all the fight scenes later in the shoot to give us more time to rehearse (and so I can figure out how the hell we're going to pull them off... never write a fight scene). Everyone had to find their footing this week so we got some easy stuff out of the way. There's still a ton more to do. This is where robots would come in handy. Damn robots, why can't they invent themselves? At the very least, we should have androids by now. Why not a cat robot? It's not like cats are very useful anyway. Ah, I'm just kidding. Cats are cool. I just prefer robots. What was I talking about? Ninjas? No, I don't have a cat. So yeah, Rambo II has my answer. "How will you live, John?" "Day by day." How do I not get completely overwhelmed? Shot by shot. Yep, everything in life I learned from Rambo II. When life gives you lemons, act like you're sleeping then shove a bazooka through its window and blow up that damn Russian.

We're using a mini-35 kit to give the image a more shallow depth of field/cinematic quality. It's the same thing Danny Boyle's DP used on 28 Days Later. Yep, we stole it from them. Booyah. But I wasn't smart enough to build it on my own (thanks Redrock).

Watch Your Step

We got a small crew, and by "small," I mean like two people. Aaron has been rocking the boom. It's no fun holding that for 12 hours a day (or longer) so I'm sure he'll be sending a raptor back in time to kill my mom sometime soon, but sound is incredibly important, and he's always there on-time, giving it his all. I don't know why he puts up with me, but he does. We did a walking dialogue scene today... everybody on crew was constantly walking backwards. Take after take, and we only had a small stretch of land to use so Laurel and Carey couldn't go too fast either. Keeping them in focus was interesting. It was all hand-held, and somehow, Aaron managed to keep the audio really clean despite all the movement. He must be a ninja. Did I really say "rocking?"

First Day: Principle Photography

Ticks. Fat, deer ticks. We have to constantly pick them off and check our clothes. At least, the big ones are easy to see. It's the little ones you have to worry about later (yessssss!). But you get used to them or you stop caring. Probably just the latter.

We're shooting in Clinton, Missouri, on my aunt and uncle's land. That's an hour and a half away from Springfield where Carey and Laurel (our lead actors) live. That means a lot of driving and hotel rooms but also... wait for it... free breakfast! I know... I wish it was a M41A Pulse Rifle too.

Flies keep buzzing the blood on Laurel’s clothes. It makes the audio a mess, but that’s not all. Even clear out in the woods, our shotgun mic still picks up cars, boats, planes, tractors, etc. I thought we'd have better luck this far away from any city (ie the perfect place for some stupid teens to run into a family of mutant robots). I really want to make sure the sound is good. They say that's usually the thing that suffers most in an independent film (you know... besides bad writing, bad acting, bad lighting, bad directing, bad FX, bad music, basically bad everything).

I found a really helpful piece of advice online. Set each audio channel to a different level so if one clips, the other should still be ok. You always need to check your levels with your actors beforehand too.

I wanted to film a couple different scenes today, but we only got one done. Aaron said that's usually the way it goes. Not if I was a ninja! Or ED-209. I always wanted to be ED-209. Big guns for hands. Hard time going down stairs, but it's a fair trade off. Is somebody actually reading this? Yeah, I didn't think so. Glad we're finally shooting though. I've been dreaming of this for a long time. Now, I just got to make sure this movie doesn't suck.