Monday, July 5, 2010

Review: Carnosaur (1993)

Compare this to Jurassic Park, and it's the worst film ever made. But putting that side, if you ever wanted to see a T-Rex brutally devour some helpless hippies, here you go. It's also got women giving birth to massive dinosaur eggs, which kills them. Yeah... this movie really isn't good. But there are lots of chickens. Because they're used to... oh, who gives a sh*t, it's got dinosaurs eating people! Yeah, it's dumb. Incredibly dumb. But it's based on a book, which is probably good. I don't know. I wasn't inspired to read it after this. But the characters are named after birds. See... it's smart too? Right? No? Ok. I tried. It is extremely gory. The FX range from good (raptor attack in a jeep) to piss poor (flabby fat T-Rex neck). The good part is they're all practical, and really, they're not too bad for a low budget Roger Corman flick (he was the Executive Producer, they had two directors! two is better, right? no?). A few shots manage to look convincing (just a few though). But they only had 1 million dollars to slap together this monstrosity (Jurassic Park was made for 63 million, quite a difference). Ever dreamed of seeing a small-town Sheriff gutted by a raptor (erm Deinonychus)? What the hell is wrong with you? I mean... welcome to the movie of your dreams! Apparently, the novel had different protagonists (two journalists vs a night watchman and an environmentalist... yes, I'm stealing this from Wikipedia, do you think I have thoughts of my own?), a whole lot more dinosaurs, and no virus women-laying-eggs subplot (damn, I guess that confirms my theory the book actually doesn't suck). This movie did have an awesome preview on TV. Something about God resting. Then he made dinosaurs, and they ate people. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome. Unfortunately, no one has uploaded it to YouTube yet, which is a shame. It's better than the movie. The official trailer, on the other hand, is worse so I'm not embedding it. I found a clip from the film though. Be warned: it's bloody, it's in Spanish, and the raptor couldn't look more fake. What does the guy to say to it? "Greetings, Earth Brother." What else would you say to a giant dino? Yes, he deserved to die.

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