Hot Girl of Horror #22: Minka Kelly

The Pumpkin Karver... yep, that is a movie with a 3.2 rating on IMDb. Sounds like one of the best things about it is Minka Kelly. She was also in a horror flick called Devil's Highway (yet another 3.x rating). Apparently, her best foray into horror is 2011's The Roommate. I never saw any of these. Never even heard of them, and if you read the reviews out there, they all sound pretty bad. That seems to be the way it is for most actresses. Start out in some crappy horror movies, and then hopefully get some better jobs later on. Even Naomi Watts was in Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (that's actually the subtitle so if you didn't know better, there'd be your first clue you're in for a wretched waste of celluloid... sadly, for poor Minka, it has a higher rating than both The Pumpkin Karver and Devil's Highway, but you got to start somewhere). And hey, you never know, those movies could be good. Maybe. Yeah. Probably not.

Frankenstein's Army has some amazing FX but too much shaky cam and weak characters.

After the incredible trailers for Worst Case Scenario, I couldn't wait to see this, and as far as the practical FX monsters go, the film doesn't disappoint, but unfortunately, they decided to use a found-footage-style, first-person perspective. That wouldn't have been bad if they avoided a ton of shaky cam. Sadly, they did not, and particularly at the beginning, it gets old fast. It also takes 20 minutes to get to the first real creature, which would've been fine if they developed the characters beforehand and made you care about them, but they don't. You just get cliched outlines: asshole, old guy in charge, the good guy, the newbie, etc.

I love this guy, but I don't even remember him in the movie. I'm sure he shows up somewhere, but he doesn't really do anything.

Another great design that is largely wasted. I know you can't do something with every creature, but he should've killed someone.

I would still recommend it for the awesome monsters, but I wish it didn't have so much damn shaky cam. I really hate that. A couple people have also pointed out that the Russians didn't have film cameras with built-in microphones back then. They probably should've just ditched the whole found-footage thing and shot it like a normal movie with some occasional POV shots. At its best though, the movie feels like a ride through a kickass haunted house with a wicked set of nasty bio-mechanical creations. If only they gave us some real characters to care about or some more time with the mad scientist (he actually isn't in it very much). Regardless, I'm sure I'll watch it again just for the crazy creatures. There's plenty of gore too. I just wish they did more with the story and the characters.

The Raid Giveaway Winner!

Congratulations to Devin Sabas! The Blu-ray is on the way. Thanks to everyone for entering! I'll be doing another giveaway soon!

Hot Girl of Horror #21: Kate Beckinsale

I'm not really a fan of the Underworld movies (I can't believe there are four now), and I hated Van Helsing (worst Dracula ever and talk about some awful, awful CGI), but I still like Kate Beckinsale. She's a good actress, and of course, she's drop-dead gorgeous. From what everyone says, she's also the best thing about the completely unnecessary and bland Total Recall remake. Hopefully, she'll be in some better horror movies in the future. Maybe Vacancy was good, but I didn't see it. Van Helsing should've been good... Hugh Jackman, Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, the Wolf Man. It takes some real talent to screw that up. Yeah, I'm still pissed about that movie. Frankenstein's Monster swinging on a cable? WTF? Even Beckinsale in a corset couldn't save that. Ok, I'll stop complaining. I just hope she can be in some better horror movies and please remake Van Helsing but do it right this time. That was such an awful film.