Thursday, July 4, 2013

I grew up on The Green Slime.

Well, that and Aliens. And Predator ("I'm heerrrrreee... kill me nooooowwww!") and a ton of Godzilla movies. So yes, I love this movie, and I'm a little sad it has a 4.0 rating on IMDb. I guess a lot of people think it's cheesy and stupid. I suppose the opening song is pretty goofy, but I don't care. I remember seeing this as a kid and having it blow my mind then trying to figure out what the hell it was called as an adult. I rewatched it recently, and I still think it's awesome. Even if it's a little dated (ok, very dated), that is part of its charm. But really this story doesn't waste any time. Within the first few minutes, you find out an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth. They quickly put together a team to land on it and plant bombs. By the thirty min mark, they've already blown it up. So what took Armageddon 2 hours and 30 min to do, they've finished in their first act (by the way, Armageddon has a 6.4 rating on IMDb... what's wrong with this picture?).

Then of course, you get the best part: the monsters. And since this was shot at Toei Tokyo Studios with a Japanese director, they have tentacles. Alright, maybe not every Japanese drools over tentacles, but they seriously show up a lot. They even have a special subgenre of porn with them... yeah. I'm not joking, and it's weird. Girls wrapped in tentacles with the slimy things going in certain places... I don't understand the appeal. And it's basically an FX show since you need guys to operate the damn tentacles offscreen. What's worse is when I told my brother, he replied, "You didn't know?" I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Anyway, some might complain the monsters are ridiculous rubber pieces of shit. Yes, they could be better, but I love 'em. Sure, they don't compare to Giger's famous xenomorph or Stan Winston's skull-totin' space hunter (in fact, next to them, yeah, they look awful), but this movie was made in 1968, and it's easy to see the great imagination behind them even if they couldn't execute it perfectly. Yep, I'm probably the only person who loves this movie. What can I say? I have a soft spot for monster movies. But come on. This is a million times better than Armageddon.

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