Thursday, July 8, 2010

Review: Carnosaur 2 (1995)

Like Aliens? Good, this is the same movie. Pretty much scene by scene. Remember the Dropship pilot Ferro getting killed by an Alien? Just change it to a helicopter, raptor, and some girl you don't know. You loved Hudson? Does this sound familiar? "How did they cut the power man? They're lizards man!" They don't even try to hide it. Does that mean it's good? Well, it's better than the first. They got rid of the retarded women birthing eggs bit. The dinosaurs still look pretty fake, and they reuse some shots at the end of the movie since they steal the climatic battle from the original film, but hey, give 'em a break. They had to rip off the Queen vs. Powerloader fight too. It's not easy to cannibalize your own work and someone else's. If you had to suffer through one of these, Carnosaur 2 would be your best bet. The acting is an improvement over the first, but that's not saying much. It's not like you'll really care about anyone in it, but then again, if you have some insane thirst for dinosaur-induced bloodshed, this may just be your fountain of youth.

Confession time: I actually like this movie. I'm a huge Aliens fan so throwing in dinosaurs works for me. It's horribly flawed and not original by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, a lot of it is awful, but it's not like we've had many (any) good bloody dinosaur movies. And this one is a lot more fun than the first. Yeah, I think it's just cause I love Aliens so much. That is a perfect movie.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Review: Carnosaur (1993)

Compare this to Jurassic Park, and it's the worst film ever made. But putting that side, if you ever wanted to see a T-Rex brutally devour some helpless hippies, here you go. It's also got women giving birth to massive dinosaur eggs, which kills them. Yeah... this movie really isn't good. But there are lots of chickens. Because they're used to... oh, who gives a sh*t, it's got dinosaurs eating people! Yeah, it's dumb. Incredibly dumb. But it's based on a book, which is probably good. I don't know. I wasn't inspired to read it after this. But the characters are named after birds. See... it's smart too? Right? No? Ok. I tried. It is extremely gory. The FX range from good (raptor attack in a jeep) to piss poor (flabby fat T-Rex neck). The good part is they're all practical, and really, they're not too bad for a low budget Roger Corman flick (he was the Executive Producer, they had two directors! two is better, right? no?). A few shots manage to look convincing (just a few though). But they only had 1 million dollars to slap together this monstrosity (Jurassic Park was made for 63 million, quite a difference). Ever dreamed of seeing a small-town Sheriff gutted by a raptor (erm Deinonychus)? What the hell is wrong with you? I mean... welcome to the movie of your dreams! Apparently, the novel had different protagonists (two journalists vs a night watchman and an environmentalist... yes, I'm stealing this from Wikipedia, do you think I have thoughts of my own?), a whole lot more dinosaurs, and no virus women-laying-eggs subplot (damn, I guess that confirms my theory the book actually doesn't suck). This movie did have an awesome preview on TV. Something about God resting. Then he made dinosaurs, and they ate people. It was ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome. Unfortunately, no one has uploaded it to YouTube yet, which is a shame. It's better than the movie. The official trailer, on the other hand, is worse so I'm not embedding it. I found a clip from the film though. Be warned: it's bloody, it's in Spanish, and the raptor couldn't look more fake. What does the guy to say to it? "Greetings, Earth Brother." What else would you say to a giant dino? Yes, he deserved to die.

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