Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Review: Split Second (1992)
A lot of people call this a crappy Predator ripoff. While it's true the monster vaguely resembles H.R. Giger's famous Alien (ok, it looks just like it), I have to disagree. Because this little movie has one thing going for it that's more badass than anything in the known universe. Rutger Hauer. And of course, Neil Duncan. Together, they're an unstoppable force that elevate this to new heights. This feels like an 80s flick. It's got the gore, nudity, tough guys with guns, one liners, practical FX, and a monster ripping out hearts. Sure, the creature is never explained. It's the devil! And yes, it can shoot guns with those long sharp fingers. It took lessons, ok? Yeah, it paid for 'em. It loves MasterCard. What the hell do you want? It's got fuckin' Rutger Hauer! And the best line(s) ever in the history of cinema: "Guns! We need bigger fucking guns!" How can you not love that? It's hilarious. Hauer and Duncan make this thing awesome. I wish they would've done a sequel just so they could team up again. And the setting kicks ass. A flooded London in the future. The sewers. Is it as good as Aliens? Well... no. Predator? No. Terminator? No. Dammit, stop saying good movies. It's better than Carnosaur! Never heard of it? Yeah, it sucked. Actually, it was like a bloody Jurassic Park with a shitty story, no park, and worse FX. Kinda enjoyed it in a bad way (and you thought I had good taste). Anyway, the point is Rutger Hauer! Rutger fuckin' Hauer! And yes, this is the most in-depth review you've ever read not written by a 12-year-old. Did I mention Kim Cattrall? No? Ok, good. She sucks, but you should see it. It's awesome.